All posts by Eva

New Year’s Resolutions

I never have any. I wish I did, because I have tons of stuff that I want to improve about myself, or with what I do, but… Hm, I don’t know. Maybe it’s always the fear of failing, and thinking I’m a bad person for not reaching a goal. Or maybe it’s because I can never really come up with anything solid, because I don’t need to lose weight, am not smoking, don’t drink, and don’t want to give up my fast food that I occasionally eat. I’m listing those, because they are some of the most common goals for the new year. So why write about it?

Well, I’ve decided that I really want to do something about my habits of starting a project, and then either work sooo slooow that it feels like it’s just standing still, stop working on it for several months, or quit it altogether because other things start occupying my mind while taking a break. I realized that when I started thinking about how I’d love to make wooden frames for my boyfriend’s photos, and whoop! I was already looking on the net to find a place where I could eventually buy scrap wood. But seriously, I suck at working with wood, and I already have a bucket full of driftwood that I don’t use (but eventually, maybe in 2020, I will). My brain is already stuffed with work that I never get done, and yet I had the enthusiasm to want to make this new project a reality. And I still do… Fuck my brain…

My boyfriend says he’s happy that I have so many things that I want to do, because it helps me stay busy while being early retired. I understand his point, because a lot of people who retire early become bored and depressive if they have no hobby. But what if you have all the time in the world, and still too much to do? Too many hobbies? Hm, probably. Do I want to stop any of them? Hell no! I want to keep playing FFXIV! I want to keep making jewelry! I want to keep drawing (those 3 times a year it happens)! And I want to keep writing my light novel! Okay, looking at those 4 things, they seem doable. I want to stick with those 4 things as my main projects. Is FFXIV even a project…? Meh, I guess it is, to me at least.

Looking back over the past few months, what have I done with those 4 projects? Well, I do play FFXIV a whole lot, because it’s fun to be back in the game again after 1½ years, and it’s a wonderful stress relief (although my post about being a tank states otherwise). I do feel a decline in enthusiasm now though, as I mainly do daily and weekly stuff, and feel quite content when having that done. Also, I still create jewelry, but it’s also still a major blow not having a return address to open the shop with. It’s not keeping me from doing what I love though! And drawing… Well, I’m looking around for a good drawing tablet, one with an in-build monitor, because my old laptop is getting really slow and painful to work with. So yeah, I’d really like to draw some more, but need to save up for the equipment I want first. Lastly, there’s the light novel. In all honesty, I’ve not worked on it since I finished chapter 2, but I am thinking about it every day, and still come up with ideas for it, so it’s a work in progress, but in my head right now. I also started working on another novel for fun, because…

…I want to scrap some other projects! Yeah, that other light novel I’ve started is my RPG world I’ll never get to do anyway. It’s nice to escape my main story, and to work on something that’s not so big. It was a relief when I finished chapter 1 of the new story, and it gave me some fresh energy. Also, I’m not going to continue doing adoptables on DA, at least not right now. So I’ve moved my designs to Redbubble instead, where they are available as merchandise like stickers, phone cases, t-shirts, pillows, notebooks and whatnot! I will most likely also add them to my Society6 account, but it was quite exhausting getting them all ready for Redbubble, so I’ll skip that for now, sorry. (EDIT: Okay, added the ones that I could. Since the sizes are rather small, Society6 doesn’t allow prints on many items though.)

On top of scrapping projects, I also want to worry less about some other things, so I’m deleting my goals like reading all Sherlock Holmes books again, drawing all my light novel characters, and stuff like that from my to-do list. Yeah, I actually update it now and then, and didn’t just make it for fun! So my New Year’s resolutions for 2018 will be on that list, which I will continue to update. I will also add some sub-goals for when I don’t want to work on my main projects. It’s good to have small goals too, to boost your self-confidence while working towards the big ones 🙂

And while writing this, I actually just remembered, that I did have a resolution for this year! It was to waste less food, because I felt bad about how much food went into the trash. It’s been a good goal, and I do think our household is wasting a lot less food now than last year. Not saying we threw out tons of food before that, but we’ve gotten better at using leftovers, and planning ahead when cooking. We very rarely throw anything away now, and I’m proud of that!

The new to-do list can be found here already. Fingers crossed that I can keep it up!

Do you have any goals for the new year? 🙂

Diary of an (almost) deadbeat tank

Or maybe it’s not a diary, but I need to write a few words about this and other FFXIV stuff as well. I’m still leveling my Paladin, because I don’t want to do dungeons with random people as a tank, so I do those as Summoner instead. I do, however, do guildhests as tank, but I’m everything but thrilled about the experience. Quite frankly, I just want the weekly challenge log bonus, and then I do the daily guildhest as Summoner, else I’d lose what’s left of my mind.

Anyway, I now understand why so many tanks are cranky old farts, because they sure as heck have every right to be. Not saying it is okay to let out steam against innocent players, just saying that I understand why some tanks are assholes. Yesterday, after the challenge log reset, I decided to get my 10 guildhests over with, but I only ended up doing half of them, and then decided it’s time to do something else, before I’d explode. My main reason being those bitches that decide it’s okay for them to pull mobs on their own. I hate people who do that, whether I’m the tank or not.

Accidents happen, yeah, I sometimes pull mobs without wanting to, because I’m too close for my own good. But what I mean are people who think it’s a brilliant idea to pull a group on purpose as DPS or healer, and then think that the tank will come running to their rescue, or they come running to the tank with the mobs they pulled, thinking the tank will pick them up. This is not only an asshole move towards the tank, but also the healer, if the one who pulls is a DPS. Getting on top of the enmity list after such a stunt requires abilities and time that would otherwise not be needed, if everyone could just concentrate on the mobs pulled by the tank. So if you’re in a hurry, just play along instead of being a dick. Pulling small or moderate groups of mobs can often be faster than having to deal with a large number of enemies all at once.

Now let me tell you why I need to let out steam due to this issue. Some days ago there was a ninja in the guildhest I tanked, well geared and high level, so one would think he knew what he was doing. So that moron decided to pull the group the other 3 of us were not paying attention to, and he just stood there fighting like a mad man, while his HP rapidly declined. The healer didn’t even bother with him, which I found funny, because I didn’t either. I picked up his mobs when we were done with the other group, and not a second before that. Well anyway, yesterday there was this bitch of a black mage in the guildhest, actually exactly the same one as some days before, and she also decided to pull the group no one was fighting, which she then pulled to me in order for me to pick them up. I didn’t, but instead asked her if she wanted to tank, because quite frankly, I was batshit tired of people like her. It was a legit question really, but she started whining like a little brat, with horrible grammar and everything that goes with the menu.

Although I brushed off her bad behavior, my overall mood was pretty depraved after that, and I noticed how I expected every DPS to be a dick in the next few guildhests, which made me feel bad about myself, and I decided to skip the rest of them, and do them today instead. Which I did, but what a pain… It’s the same old shit. People pull, and then I’m the one who is a bad tank for not wanting to help them out of their self-constructed misery. But you know what? Although I don’t really like to tank, and might not be perfectly good at it, I stay on top of the enmity list all the time when people behave like humans instead of monkeys. I’m never in a hurry, I wait for the healer, and I generate enough enmity to keep the enemies around me from attacking others. That’s my job, and that’s what I do. Nothing more and nothing less.

So if that’s what every tank has to go through in various instances, I really do understand their bad mood. Some are just dicks, like so many other players are, but I think that many are assholes because of other players, and not because they are tanks. Heck, I’m sure people who do not agree with my kind of tanking think I’m an asshole too, and so the circle closes.

Another thing I need to vent about is mentors. You know, those players who like to sport a Burger King crown next to their name. When I first got back after my long break, I didn’t know what that icon was supposed to be, so I asked my good old friend Mr. Google, and I got tons of answers, mostly negative. Many people complain about bad behavior from those mentors, and claim that they don’t deserve their title, and just want the icon. I thought that it couldn’t be so bad, and they were just picking out a few corrupt people from the bunch. But oh boy, was I wrong! Right now, after playing again for like half a year or something, I can only agree with everything I read back then. 99% of all the mentors I have met are elitist jerks! They usually have no idea whatsoever what they are doing, and are often the assholes mentioned above, who think they are entitled to do whatever they want in a group, because they went to Burger King and got a paper crown. Great!

So when seeing someone with a crown next to their name, I automatically assume that they are brainless fucktards. Which is not nice either, because some of them become mentors for good reasons, actually knows a lot about the game, and wants to help other people. Kudos to you 1% of the gang! I still wish SE would remove that feature though, and just let people who want to help others do their thing. I still have leaves next to my name because I’m behind on the story, but I help others as good as I can, and don’t need a designated icon to do so. Of course it’s possible to report mentors for bad behavior, but let’s be honest… Who cares enough about them to spend that extra time doing so?

Okay, the post is getting long, but I don’t care, so here goes. My third retainer is full, and since I only put stuff in his inventory that I want to sell, it means that my sales are going too slow. So I decided to read up on the market, and see if anyone on the net had any good tips. They sure did, but mainly about stuff that I already knew, like to switch out items often if they don’t sell, and to look at the sale history of every item. I do that, so whatever. What I found interesting though, was that people have very different opinions on the market system. Some believe that it is flat out broken, and SE should think of something else. That’s not true though, as the market is run by the players, so how can it be broken? Sure, RMT play a part in this, but every MMO has those.

A very heated discussion was about whether to undercut or not though, and by how much. I often see people undercut by 1 gil, because they want max profit of course. I undercut by whatever I want though, even if it’s 100k gil. This method is frowned upon by those who undercut by 1 gil, because they think people like me are the ones ruining the entire economy of a server, but uhm, how exactly do I ruin it? Often times, I put up my items for the price I can see it has been sold for in the past, so if someone tries to sell something for 100k, but it’s only worth 20k, I put it up for maybe 25k. I see no reason to put my item up for more than I can see it will sell for, and I want to sell it fast, so why try 99k for maybe 4 weeks, where I get undercut by people who put up their items for a price that makes sense?

I do understand the fact, that some crafted items are worth less than the materials they were crafted with, and that the seller wants to get as much gil back as possible, thus keeps the price high. But if I get a crafted item from a retainer venture or levequest, then I will lose nothing if I sell it for far less than the crafters do, because I paid nothing to get it, and also didn’t have to grind materials for a set amount of time. It’s my item, and I make a profit even if I vendor it. What do I care if someone paid for their mats, and want their gil back for the craft? It’s not my issue, and I just want to sell, like every other person who puts their stuff up on the market. It’s called competition, and it’s not a broken system or SE’s fault if the prices go down, or an item doesn’t sell. Supply and demand people! Also, it’s not true that people will pay whatever the lowest price is, so driving the prices up will fetch you more money. If the price is too high, I am one of those who put stuff on my wish list, and keep an eye on them until the price drops. So if 5000 gil is the lowest price for something that usually goes for 100 gil, I won’t buy it. Period.

I needed to vent about that too, because although it’s not an issue in-game, I do get a bit annoyed by the discussions on the net about it. I’ve been crafting a lot lately, hence why my retainer is full of stuff I need to sell, so I’ve seen every kind of behavior on the market. But whatever, I just undercut until I sell. It’s especially fun when a battle starts, where 2 or 3 people undercut each other for several days. I sometimes buy orchestrion rolls with various tokens in the game, and since others do the same, and we all want to sell our rolls, an undercut war starts. Again, this is 100% profit without a loss, so I’ll go as low as it takes to sell mine first. Yeah, I might go 100k under the usual buying price, but I get my shit sold, and I’m sure it makes the buyer very happy, because money saved is money gained.

Also, if this bothers people so much, they are more than welcome to buy my items and put them up for their own price. Or just let my stuff sell first, and then you can be the lowest price after me. Hahahaha! XD

Okay, I’m done for now. So uhm, this wasn’t at all what I wanted to post, but things are going so slow right now, that I barely have anything else to write about. My plan with the return address mentioned in an earlier post didn’t work out, so still no shop. It’s not like they didn’t want to help me, because they did, but it could spell trouble for them tax wise, and of course no one wants that. I’m still creating jewelry though, and will post some photos once I have taken some nice (or at least presentable) ones. December is so busy though, with birthdays, Christmas, New Year’s and everything in between. I’m always burned out in November already, because I like to buy gifts and get ready before people realize what time of the year it is. Seriously, to many people, it’s Armageddon every darn year, and they never learn, so they run out to shop gifts, food and decorations during the last few days before Christmas, and I do not want to get caught in that fight.

I’ll stop the post here, before it turns into a novel. I will write at least one more time before Christmas, but I don’t know if I’ve got the energy for more than that. So yeah, see you in 1 – 2 weeks, and remember to not only stay warm outside right now, but also to stay cool on the inside during these stressful times 😊

13 reasons why… you became your own victim Hannah

So I gave it a watch, and I don’t know whether I regret it or not. I liked the first few episodes, as it built up an interesting premise. But halfway in, I started to question it a lot, and the last episode really made me wonder what actually happened. This post is not a review, but more of a thought-dump, so expect nothing but spoilers. First off, I’d like to state, that the show is only good for some high school drama, but not for educational purposes. It might seem like it is a good thing to watch with your teenager, in order for them to learn that bullying has consequences, but it’s simply terrible at delivering that message properly.

Where to start… Well, let’s start at the beginning. Hannah killed herself, and according to her, it’s because of the bullying going on at her school, and the way she’s been treated by her fellow students. It’s relatable up until that point. After the few first episodes, I started to wonder why she killed herself because of the bullying, because the things they did to her were pretty weak, so I thought it would get worse with time. And it did get worse, but at that point, it was Hannah’s own fault.

The girl is dumb beyond reason, and while the first few things done to her were not her fault, she sure started to seek out trouble on her own darn fast. After witnessing a friend getting raped, without doing anything about it at all, she gets raped by the same person later, because she’s sitting in a tub in the guy’s home, almost naked. Who on earth would do that? And why even go to a party filled with people whom she thinks have done her wrong, and are at fault for her suicide?

The only person who never did anything to her, besides being kind, loving her, and wanting to be there for her is Clay, the main character besides already dead Hannah. And guess what she did to him in an intimate moment? She tells him to fuck off, and leave her alone, which he does. She says on her tapes, that it’s because she was projecting every bad guy onto him, but how is that fair towards the one person who is being nice to her? Why not talk to him at that point, and tell him what is wrong? And while we’re at it, let’s jump to the last episode.

So Hannah decides to give her life one last chance, but instead of taking matters into her own hand, she throws it all on the school counselor. He is now her only hope of survival in this cruel world, but does she tell him anything about what is wrong? Well, partially. She does state that she is tired of life, and that she was raped by an older student from the school, but when he gives her the option of telling him who it was, so that he can inform the police and start a case, she tells him not to. He then goes on to tell her, that the only thing she can do then, is to try and get over it, after which she snaps. She leaves his office, and stands outside to wait for him to come after her; rescue her. For fucks sake Hannah… The man just gave you the opportunity to ruin the life of the one who raped both you and your friend, and you decide to take your own life instead, and even have the nerves to blame the counselor for it?

At this point, where she talks with the counselor about what she can do now, she has absolutely nothing to lose, but so much to gain. But she decides to throw it all away, and act like she has done throughout the entire series; like a narcissistic drama queen! Instead of helping herself, her friend who got raped, and every student who gets bullied at school, she decides to run home and slit her wrists, leaving behind some recorded tapes about how all other people but her are to blame.

And let’s not begin on how docile all the grownups in this series are, because it only adds fuel to the bonfire of stupidity. I’m well aware that the series is based on a book, and that there are differences between the two, but I can only talk about what I thought of the series. There is a season 2 coming out at some point, and I might watch it for the drama about Hannah’s parents, but I sure as heck won’t take anything seriously anymore.

The same day I finished the series, I also watched the anime <harmony/>, which is partially about suicide too, but in a very different setting, and with much better reason as to why one of the characters decided to kill herself. I won’t review it here, as it was a re-watch after buying it on Blu-Ray, but I do recommend it over 13 Reasons Why, if you’re looking to get your brain melted in a good and entertaining way, instead of a bad and cringe worthy one.