Tag Archives: family

This and that from along the Christmas road

I hope everyone had a nice Christmas! I had hoped to sit at the computer during the holidays, but nope, too much to do. Mainly because my family sucks, and I hate them. Or maybe hate is a too strong word, but I sure as heck am sick and tired of their shit! On my birthday, December 17th, I asked all my guests if they’d be home on the 23rd, as we’d like to stop by everyone and wish them happy holidays, as well as give them the annual marzipan that I make. They all said they’d be home that day, which was super fine. So I made tons of chocolate covered marzipan on the 22nd… and then the shit started…

The plan was to first visit my mom, as we had to go to the city, and she was closest by. Then visit my parents in law, and then my boyfriend’s aunt and uncle. But short after I had made the marzipan, my mom texted (yes, texted, she didn’t even call me), that she had made new plans with some friends, and that we could stop by late in the evening. So uhm, she wanted us to drive to the city, then back to our area, then to her, then back to the area. I thought she had lost it, and just told her off; as we’re not gonna do that. Skipping my mom, we went to my parents in law way earlier than expected, but when we called them to tell we were on our way, we got a “You better hurry, as we’re leaving in 20 mins!”. So they knew we would come, but they also made new plans, and didn’t even tell us. Imagine if we hadn’t called them first…

After our short visit, where my marzipan was just lovelessly placed on a table without even unpacking because they were in a hurry, my boyfriend was near the point of exploding. Even though we were now really, really early, his aunt and uncle surely had time for us, and we ended up spending most of the day at their house, eating cookies and drinking coffee and hot chocolate. When I told them how the day had been, his aunt was almost in shock over her own sister’s behavior. She told us how they spend Christmas alone with the kids, and only had to invite the uncle’s parents every other year. This made us decide, that we’re gonna do the same from now on. No more marzipan for those ungrateful fuckers, and we’re not gonna invite anyone, nor let us invite by anyone. And there is a reason for that decision too.

You see, we invited my stepdad pretty early in November, because my mom left him within a week, and we asked what plans he had made for the big day. As he had no plans, we just invited him. This made my mom freak out though, to the point where she spam-texted my boyfriend, telling him that we’re not concerned about the family at all, that we don’t care about her, and so on. He’s good at telling people off though, so he shut her up, and that was it for a while, or at least until marzipan day, like mentioned above. But then she invited herself over on Christmas day, which I wasn’t happy with at all, but accepted because of the lil’ one. Okay, jumping forward to yesterday. She was supposed to come visit for the lil’ one’s birthday, which is actually today, but because my boyfriend has work, we celebrated it with the family yesterday, or at least those who said they had the time. And who calls to cancel it, because she made new plans? My mom!

I was SO angry! I called her to tell her how I feel, but she played dumb (or maybe she didn’t even play it), and told me off. So yeah, I exploded and told her she could call the lil’ one herself, instead of letting me be the Boogieman. I hung up on her, as she kept rambling like an idiot, so yeah… Fun thing is though, that she had made plans to stop by today, which I told her I didn’t want, as the lil’ one had a mate coming over, and I told him they could play all day with no limits. And I really don’t want to entertain my mom alone for like 3 hours. Okay, so when my stepdad came over yesterday, it turned out my mom had made plans to come with him today again, and bring the present. She forgot to tell him though, that I didn’t want her here today. It’s so typical of her! She makes plans for others, cancels, then doesn’t cancel, and whatever the shit she wants! I told my stepdad what I told my mom, and he just sighed. He’s just as tired of her shit as I am…

To top it all off, because there was also one more issue around Christmas that made me want to choke some family members, we were also invited by my parents in law. They wanted us to come to their place, and celebrate Christmas with them and some random friend we don’t know. We said we’d think about it, but we already knew it was a no, because I don’t want to celebrate anywhere else than our own home, as it’s just too much stress. My mother in law saw our maybe as a yes though, and without our knowledge started making plans for the day. When we found out, we were like “Uhm, we never said yes, and we invited someone else over to us.” And then my mother in law looked at us all insulted, telling us how we DID accept her invitation, and yadda yadda. Ugh…

So yeah, next year, we’ll barricade ourselves inside our own 4 walls, and there will be no marzipan the day before. Some years ago, we had to cancel trading gifts, because it was the same shit with our parents. We put a lot of time and effort into gifting them, and we got 0 efforts back. It’s like they could have just wrapped up a box of pure stress for us, and told us they don’t give a shit. They’ve taken away the joy of gifting. They’ve taken away the joy of giving marzipan. They’ve taken away the joy of inviting. They’ve taken away the joy of Christmas… This was the last year with any kind of family traditions from our part. Next year, we send them time and date for our birthdays, and if they can’t make it, then SHAME. Christmas will be celebrated alone, and if anyone asks us to come, it’s an immediate NO. If anyone invites themselves on a day not already invited, it’s an immediate NO. It’s over!

And while I’m in the angry corner, let me continue with another topic; Instagram. I’ve noticed how it’s becoming more and more… useless? First off, it’s not loading stories properly anymore, especially the stories posted by Instagram themselves. Well, I don’t really care about their updates anymore, so whatever. But then there are all those fake followers and spam comments. Okay, I’m not really active there, since I’m busy with other stuff, but when I decide to post something, I really don’t want to sit around and delete random spam comments, block spam accounts (those free follower shitheads and porn accounts), and overall just having to take crap from idiots on there. I’ve now decided to turn off comments from future posts, and just not pay attention to those who follow for follow, because fuck them. But there is another follow problem I’ve noticed recently, which annoys me even more, and it’s when I want to follow someone myself. I straight up get a notice saying, that I can’t follow anyone because of restrictions due to community protection. WTF? I’ve followed 1 account during the last few months, so it’s not like I’m a fake follower or spammer… It makes my piss boil, because I rarely find anything worth following, and when I do, I fucking want to follow the shit out of the account I’ve found. Isn’t that what Instagram is for anyway? Follow the content that you like?

Of course I’ve tried looking up the problem, as it seems to affect all my accounts, but all I could find was, that I need to either use my browser on the computer (no-go), or link my account to Facebook (even bigger no-go). I fucking HATE Facebook with every nerve in my body, and the fact that Instagram is owned by that fucked up company makes me believe, that they are doing this on purpose, to get ownership over Instagram accounts. Because yeah, when you link your IG to FB, it’s FB’s rules that take over your IG account, a.k.a them being able to sell my content and personal information for their own gain. I’m not up for that. Of course my next step was to find a service similar to Instagram, but asking friends resulted in Twitter. I don’t like Twitter. Might use it again at some point, but not for personal posts. Looking around on the net, it came up with Deviant Art, Flickr, 500px and Snapchat. M’kay, I really don’t want Snapchat, and the others are more photo and art related, so not what I’m looking for.

Then I thought, why not Tumblr? I used it many years ago, but only for giggles, so it didn’t really come to my mind when I first started thinking about alternatives to Instagram. But Tumblr is basically the same. You post a photo (or whatever you want really), write a text (or not), write hashtags (lots of funny ones on there), and then you’re done. I like that it has no URL limitations, and that it’s so easy to explore new content to like and share. So I sat down with my phone, installed Tumblr, and made a new account for Colorpieces only. It has become so much easier and faster since I last used it, and it felt good to make a post there! So I’ll be posting on Instagram with comments turned off from now on, and then Tumblr. Maybe I’ll also go back to Twitter, dunno. Twitter is very noisy though, so I’ll have to think about it some more.

That’s it. Those were my holidays. Full of stress from family and Instagram, but solutions are being worked on. Now I just want to relax for the remaining few hours of the day 🙂

Oh, by the way… Next time I’m at the PC, and am not exhausted after a kid’s birthday, I’ll make some minor changes to the site. Nothing really noticeable. Next year, I might change the theme a bit though. Not that I want to change away from Chocolat, because I love that theme, but maybe change the colors and some designs. We’ll see!

Every road has an end

In the night from Sunday to Monday, my grandmother passed away. Now, this wouldn’t have taken up a whole entry if it was because she died of natural causes, or a typical disease old people tend to get. Fact is though, that she took her own life, all alone in the middle of the night, and that bothers me… a lot.

She had been talking about committing suicide for a while now, and thus she was staying at the hospital to keep her safe and taken care of. It was not a prison though, and she was allowed to leave whenever she wanted, which she decided to do for a week, when my aunt was in the country to take care of her in her own home. When she was sleeping, my grandmother drove away with a bottle of wine, and didn’t come back. When my aunt woke up the next day, and noticed her mom wasn’t in the house anymore, she called the police, who had found a body floating in the water in a nearby city.

No doubt it was my grandmother. She had alcohol in her blood, and her car was left unlocked near the shore. The police stated that no crime had been committed, so we’re left to believe, that she drove off to drink her last bottle of wine, and then drowned herself. She left a letter for each of her children, and that kind of says it all.

At first, I wanted to blame the hospital for letting a suicidal old woman go home, but my aunt was there for her, and it was not a prison, so who should I blame? Then I thought that no one was to blame at all. It was my grandmother’s own decision, and she has always been a woman in control, which she wanted to be until the very end. She’s been having heart problems the past few years, and could take less and less care of her huge house and three gardens. On top of that, she started forgetting things, which was maybe an early sign of dementia, something my grandmother would not want to live with. She was also diagnosed with depression, mainly due to her being more and more alone, since all her friends and neighbors were slowly passing away of old age.

So it’s not like I’m gonna ask “Why?”, as I already know why she did it. But I’m surely asking myself “Why now?”. She’s been granted her wish of getting a pacemaker for her bad heart, and was waiting for it. Also, she seemed to be okay with the thought of moving to another town, where she could live in a smaller house among other elderly people, some of them whom she already knew. Of course, that would require waiting for a vacant house, where she could eventually move in. So, did the waiting kill her? Probably…

I’m not saying that I accept her decision, but I do understand it. I know how hard it is to walk around with a depression, wanting to take my own life, because everything seems to be an endless struggle. I have someone to hold onto when that happens though, and things I can do to stay away from suicidal thoughts. My grandmother had my mom and my aunt who came to visit and help, but they were barely there during a normal day, especially since my aunt lives in London, and not here. Also, she was getting too old and fragile to even take care of her house, which was part of what she lived for.

I remember when I was a kid, and I told my mom “I won’t cry when grandma dies!”, she just said “Yes, you will”. She was right, and I was wrong. I’ve learned to understand why my grandmother was who she was. Why she sometimes did things I deemed as stupid and selfish. Why she said nasty things that hurt us. Why she was always nicer towards my aunt than my mom. I don’t agree with her actions, or the things she used to say, but I do understand them. She was simply from a different time, with different values and ways of treating other people. My mom was adopted, and my aunt was the only “real” child. This had always been the breaking point in the family.

Anyway, what I’m most afraid of now is the aftermath. I don’t know if my grandmother left a last will or not, but I surely hope so. I’m sure my mom and aunt will do their best to find out what is going to happen now, but I’m not so sure about my uncle. Yes, they also have a brother, and funny enough, he decided to get back in touch with the family after 25 years, when he heard about how weak his mom had become. This is a signal of greed to me, and of course to my aunt and mom as well. I just hope he won’t be able to mess things up, especially since the situation is already hard for anyone involved.

It seems to me, that every death drives the family apart…